Since this quarantine thing, I’ve been learning a lot and each day though they always seem to be the same for me, I still learn some things. I have been taking care of my mom since I left high school in 2014 so immediately as I left shortly after she became ill. From that time on till now I still do it with every second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year becoming harder. During this crisis however, at first before things got so strict it didn’t bother me and I wasn’t all that phased by the corona-virus issue. I could still go out and also go to church etc so my days were okay not so much routines. Then I knew I could call a friend and we go hang out or I go in town to take care of businesses without having to think about time restrictions and all of that. But when things got intense, and the numbers climbed and stricter measures we being put in place for staying inside I saw my life went from an all-time high to taking a face dive into ‘oblivion’ that’s what I call it.
What I realize was that I wake up doing the same things each day and the funny thing about it is that I don’t know where time has gone I would wake up around 7:30 – 8:00 have my devotion, set up my mom’s bathing station bathe her, put her to lie down, look about breakfast, turn on the TV to Power of Faith by the time I’m done with breakfast it’s almost to 11. Then by the time I’m done feeding her its couple mins to 12. She fusses and I have to sit there with her till she falls asleep. When she does I take my time and get up to fix up around the house or get started on dinner or try to sleep because I’m tired, or read or go to the supermarket or market or even pray but not long after I move she wakes again. She doesn’t want me to leave her so I often stay with her.
Then evening comes I bathe her again feed her sit with her till she’s sleeping and then bring her to her room to sleep this is about 8 in the night. After the time that’s left, that’s mine. Often afterwards I’m tired and sleep sets in. Then I go to sleep and wake up the next morning around the same time and do the same thing and when I wake up it feels like just yesterday I was doing this. It’s frustrating especially when your praying asking God to help you and you can’t see nothing coming.
The thing is before this corona-virus I never used to go anywhere just church down town and home that was my life but at least I could go somewhere. So even thou I couldn’t always go out when I wanted to, at least I can know in my mind I don’t have any restrictions. But since this virus and you can’t go anywhere as you like, it haunts me. I’ll be turning 23 years old next month and I woke up thinking about my life and I got depressed and angry because most persons my age that I know already have a career or a job or something and I’m just here it hurts a lot because I can’t tell you what God is doing in my life or the plans he has. I just feel worthless and with my life like a giant routine makes it even worse.
My prayer life’s affected severely because each time I try to spend time I’m interrupted or mommy crying or I fall asleep so I leave God frustrated and just don’t do nothing. I pray each day but I am not satisfied with my prayer life. I love reading so yea I’ll read my bible and spend sometime but I am not satisfied with my efforts or what I’m doing. I believe that in this time it’s for me to get closer to God, inspire people and spread God’s love and hope to them. I can’t write enough for you our anyone to understand what I face each day. IT IS HARD EVERY DAY for me, and it’s not a joke. I remember in March at the high rise of corona-virus my mom took sick made 4 trips to the doctor 4 days in a row and was so hard because I have to be lifting her each time waking up super early to prepare her and so forth. I don’t really know how to write what I feel about my life or what I experience because I’ll never end, but through it all God has been merciful, and I am strengthened by his love. ~Daniella
The aim of the hope series is not to provide polished flowery bandages to our doubts. Certainly this is not the time for it. We are in desperate times. Uncertain times. Frightening times. Some days, it’s overwhelming, depressing and burdensome. Some of us are experiencing the full comeback of the issues we were trying to run away from. I just wanted to stop by today to say, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It doesn’t matter if you feel no one cares, if no one messages you, if you feel rejected, I am saying this even more firmer, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Millions are praying for you. Your friends are praying for you, wishing the best, they just are having a hard time just as you.Most of all, God is for you.
Isolation is never the answer. Reach out to a sober friend even if you feel uncomfortable. You can write down your emotions if that works for you. I made a promises bank in my journal based on the encouragement of a friend. I have scriptures that attack all of my struggles, it’s where I find my hope. Let me be quick to add that doesn’t mean fear doesn’t creep up to my heart inching closer like cancer. Sometimes if I am honest, it devours it. But, the truth pushes it back, the sword of offence. My last bit is asking you you to remember a time when you thought you wouldn’t pull through. Think about your past red seas. Did he not deliver you? Can he not do it again? But, what if this time he doesn’t? Will you still trust him?
Our hope is eternal. Transcending feelings, actions, time, life, corona-virus, rejection, hurt, abuse, everything. We cherish it not in vain precious. We certainly don’t cherish it in vain. I trust we have been spending time with Jesus even if it doesn’t look like what everyone else have. Jesus wants you to show up not your Pastor, Evangelist or youth president.
Look out for more in this series. We are still connected, even now more than ever. Please remember to pray for Daniellia. This song has been certainly encouraging me. I hope it does the same for you.