What Christian Women Get Wrong About Beauty and Yes, It Matters.

You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
beautiful in every way.

Songs of Solomon 4:7 (NLT)

People who say that physical beauty doesn’t matter are in denial. Studies prove we are nicer to people we classify as beautiful and we expect they are more successful and intelligent. Not only do we admire beauty when we see it, we crave it. We pursue it, that’s why we do everything to get closer to someone we find attractive. That’s why we chase, sunsets and moon rises, discovering coral reefs and playing with a new born. We can’t really explain it but it captivates our hearts and for that moment, time cease to exist. I have a theory I am currently testing, maybe beauty is one of the gateways to the transcendent, to the ‘other world’, to the divine.

Our desire for beauty in others is not to bashed, our uniqueness calls for differential thinking and appeals. The issue with beauty in society is the idea that all of us must find one thing beautiful. That our physical bodies must all look like we came from the same factory.

If you ask a girl who thinks she’s not beautiful the first issue is, there is an ideal that she has been comparing herself to subconsciously or not. Or she is just alright to look at, but if she had this hair texture, this built, this eye, this lash, she would be 10 x more attractive. And she is right in some respect. She would be more attractive to persons who prefer those features. But incorrect if she thinks just as she is, no one loves her present physique.

The second problem she faces is seeking external validation of that beauty in the wrong. I heard so much negatives about validation that I thought it was a bad thing.  But I had been confusing it with affirmation. To validate something means to check of something is acceptable, true, worthy. God has already done that when he made you and called you ‘good.’

Affirmation however, is the action we should healthily desire from others, they would only acknowledge the intrinsic worth you already have. The beauty you already possess. But that can’t happen if you don’t believe that you are firstly worthy of love, pimples and all.

There’s a third thing we experience when we think our beauty to be small or none existent,  it’s fear. Fear that a guy won’t ever find us attractive so we will never get married. Firstly, if the standards of worldly beauty was a criteria for marriage, I have seen so many women fall short and I mean shorrtt and yet they are in a loving relationship. Because most men sincerely desire women who aren’t afraid to be themselves. Women who show up imperfect yet confident. Men love that. Besides, if God is the one in charge of your love life, best believe He’s got you covered, married or unmarried. Or can you not trust Him with that?

Have you ever met a woman that just felt like home? That had the smile that made you fill up with joy? She could even have the skinniest arms but her hugs felt the warmest? Have you ever taken notice of her grace and compassion with which she serves others and receives service? There was a word that didn’t come to your mind, but it was it all along, she was beautiful. Maybe her back bent when she walked or she didn’t have the best clothes. Maybe her home wasn’t the best. Maybe she didn’t bave the perfect body. Oh but what love you experienced!

Abiding beauty is not in a new skin care routine, a waist trainer, our butt enhancer. It’s all temporal any way. Abiding beauty is hidden in between the folds of your heart. It is how you love God, yourself, and your neighbour.  So take care of yourself, if it’s your personal goal to be healthier and a nutritionist thinks losing weight will help, do it. Or if you wish to dress nicely or take care of your blemishes do that. But may our motives never feel that when we ‘fix’ these things we will get the acceptance we desire. Your body is not merely for wandering eyes. It protects you, alerts you, keep you alive. Because you are more than your body. You are more than a standard. You walk around with eternity in your heart. Your flesh carries a unique person and the right person will notice it.

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